Shhhh... Don't Say A Word!

It seems that today most people spend their time running, doing, hurrying. It’s a fast-paced world. Conversations are filled with descriptions of errands to be run, tasks to be completed and places to go.

Several months ago, I read a quote related to listening, and it struck a chord. Although I don’t recall the exact words, the essence was that to increase what we learn, we must increase the time we spend listening.

As I paid attention to my own actions, and observed the actions of others, I found that there is very little time spent listening. We listen while we are doing other things. We are not really focused on listening. I am very guilty of typing at the computer, and telling my daughters, “Keep talking. I’m listening.” Type, type, type... “I can listen while I’m cooking dinner. Oh, now, I spilled something. Give me that dishcloth. Keep talking. No, not that dishcloth. I’m listening.” That is what passes for listening in many homes. And we do hear much of what is said, but we also, miss a lot.

When we are in a conversation and someone says something to which we can relate, we often wish the other person would hurry so that we could tell them our experience. I know that I am guilty of this. What I have to say usually relates to what the other person just mentioned, but often I notice, too late, that my comment or experience shifted the direction of the conversation, and the other person may have had more that they wanted to say. Now, it’s difficult, if not impossible for them to return to the point where they stopped.

I once heard someone say that there is no such thing as a conversation these days, only long monologues told by different people who happen to be facing each other. Is that the way it should be? I don’t think so. I am resolving to become a better listener. I, actually, love to listen to what other people tell me, I just become overeager to share my own stories. If I can stifle that need to talk, and instead, just listen, I think I will learn some very interesting things.


“Listen or thy tongue will keep thee deaf.” ~Native American Indian Proverb

“Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk.” ~Doug Larson

Photo Credit: "you're not listening" by kalandrakas.

A Change of Space

A little over a month ago, my oldest daughter began working for the Cuyahoga Valley Scenic Railroad. She owns her own Avon business, and loves it, but it really didn't take all her time, so she had been looking for something different and fun to do, and she found it. She is a people person, and the number and variety of people who ride this historic train through the Cuyahoga Valley National Park fulfills her need for personal contact and inspiring conversation.

We are a one car family, and that means I need to take her to work every morning. Our van is an older model, and I'm trying to baby it and make it last as long as possible, because it is such a wonderful vehicle. Taking my daughter to work, and then returning at the end of the day to pick her up puts more miles on the van than I like. I decided to cut down on those miles, by spending the day, a few times a week, in a small town near the train station. As a writer, I have some flexibility.

I usually start the day at Panera's, one of the few places to be open early in the morning. With a cup of coffee and a bagel, I set up shop in a small booth, and get to work. After a few hours there, I move to the local library, just a few blocks away. I have noticed that since I began following this routine, I am accomplishing more than I do when I work from my home office. At first I was perplexed, then I realized that, although there are distractions at Panera's and at the library, they are different than the distractions I have at home.

At my home office, I begin to work, and then notice a library book on the table. Is it due today? Are there other books that need to be returned. I stop working to check the status of the books. I gather the ones that are due and put them in a bag to take with me later in the day. As long as I have stopped, I might as well make some coffee. I go back to work.

Is the coffee ready? As I go to pour a cup, I see that there are dishes in the sink. Since I'm in the kitchen, I will just wash those quickly. I take my coffee and go back to work.

I give my eyes a break from staring at the computer screen by glancing around the room. Oh no! There are three pairs of dirty socks in the living room. I'll just throw those in the laundry basket. As long as I'm up, I'll just grab a quick bowl of cereal, since I haven't had anything to eat. When I get the bowl, I notice the dishes I washed are now dry. Might as well put them away while I'm here.

Ahhh! So this is why I am so much more productive when I am away from my office. A change of space can be a very good thing!

The Bounty of Nine!

Today is September 9, 2009... 9-9-09! Although I could probably list 999 great things in my life, I thought I would limit this post to the top nine:

1. I have two lovely, thoughtful and caring daughters. They encourage me when there are challenges, and make me laugh when I feel sad. When we have experienced difficult times, they have never complained. They see that we are rich, no matter how much or how little money we have.
   
2. Although my parents are both deceased, the lessons they taught me and the love they gave me lives on, encouraging me in so many ways. There is not a day that goes by that I don't remember their words, their actions and their caring.
3. I love my crazy, kind and funny family... brothers, sister, aunts, uncles, cousins. So many caring, loving people, most of whom live life with a twinkle in their eyes and a smile on their face. The sense of humor I learned from my family has carried me through every difficulty.
4. I earn a living doing things I love to do! I teach enrichment classes to wonderful, caring children and teens who are interested in learning. I help families find resources to enrich their learning experiences. I write and publish a newsletter filled with ideas and events that inspire learning. And on the weekends, I am surrounded by beautiful sights and wonderful people, when I work at Elements Gallery, which is owned by my friends, Steve and Debra Bures, and located in the quaint village of Peninsula, Ohio, in the middle of the Cuyahoga Valley National Park! What could be better!
5. My friends are my second family! They are supportive, encouraging, loving, caring, kind, understanding, thoughtful and FUN! Without them, I may never have started my learning resources business, and I definitely would not have experienced the success I have enjoyed.
6. I amazed by the number of wise and wonderful teachers I've encountered. Some teachers I met in school; others I met at sports events, workshops and churches. Some of my greatest teachers were past supervisors or co-workers, and many were people I just happened to meet. People from all walks of life have shared their insights, their understanding and their passions with me. They have enriched my life!
7. When I was in college, I thought every person I met had a fascinating major. As a result, I changed majors frequently. At one time, I was embarrassed by my inability to "just choose one." Now I see that my indecision was actually perfect for my current vocation. Students and parents seeking resources for learning and careers, ask me how I know about so many things. It's because I thought everything was fascinating. My "lack of focus" was perfect for what I now do. I can teach classes in many subject areas, and I'm told they're usually fun and interesting. I'm sure the reason is because I think all these subjects are "fun and interesting."
8. And where would I be without the powerful writers whose works have influenced me in so many ways. Their writings have inspired me to cry, laugh, shout and grow. Newspapers, magazines, books, blogs and tweets... so many wise and wonderful writers!
9. The ninth thing? September! In Ohio, September is a time of clear blue skies, crisp fall air and breathtakingly beautiful fall foliage. It is the busy season of harvest. In this ninth month of the year, I consider what I planted earlier this year, how I cultivated what was planted, and what harvest I am reaping. Did some of my plantings need more care, a longer growing season, a more hospitable climate? I can't change what I have done in the past, but I can apply what I learned to the future, so that the next growing season will be even better. I am enjoying the bountiful harvest of those plantings that flourished.

And I can be grateful for all of these things!

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The number nine is the center of attention at the Joyful Jubilant Learning Community this month. Stop by and read the wonderful postings on this intriguing number.

Thinking Inside the Box

Recently I wrote about the challenges that too many choices can present. Ken Robert, at Mildly Creative, recently addressed this issue, from a creativity standpoint. I think you will find his ideas interesting and helpful.

Read his article here: Thinking Inside the Box - An Exercise in Limits

12 Things Really Educated People Know

A wonderful and insightful list by John Taylor Gatto, one of the true leaders of education reform. Worth reading!
12 Things Really Educated People Know

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Too Many Opportunities

I often hear parents say, "Kids today are so lucky! They have so many opportunities that I never had when I was growing up. So many choices for careers, college, travel." At the workshops I present for teens, I mention the many opportunities available to them. I have noticed that when I speak about these opportunities, a few teens seem excited and happy, but many appear stressed.

After talking to many of these teens privately, I realized that they are overwhelmed by the number of choices before them. They don't see opportunities. They see a gigantic array of possibilities and in their minds, those possibilities all hold the threat of being "the wrong choice."

They are on the verge of adulthood, and they want to choose something they will enjoy, but they recognize that their interests have changed over the years, and they see the strong possibility that their interests will continue to change and grow. They don't want to waste time and money on a college education, only to discover that by graduation time, or after a few years in their chosen career, they no longer enjoy it. Everyone has told them all through their middle school and high school years, that they should find a great career doing something they love. This advice is often given by people who are not doing something they love. They want a better life for their children. They don't realize that this loving advice, carries with it, the burden of making "the right choice."

Some teens see only one choice after they complete high school... college. Despite society's pressure to get a degree, college is not for everyone. I have talked with so many teens who have gone to college without any real direction in mind. They only went because they were supposed to go. I am saddened by the number of college juniors with whom I have spoken, who told me, "Yeah. I decided to major in psychology (or business or history or _____) because I have quite a few credits in that, and it's not real difficult." When I ask them what they will do with their degree when they graduate, I nearly always get the answer, "I don't know."

I think that as teens progress through their middle school and high school years, they should be encouraged to talk to every person they meet. There are so many opportunities to learn about education, careers and life. They should ask questions. "What is the best thing you've ever done? Do you like your job? Why or why not? What do you wish you had done when you were younger? What was your college experience like?" And people who are asked should share what they know and what they've done, what they've enjoyed and what they've hated. Will the questioner have the same reaction to similar experiences? Maybe. Maybe not. But they will learn something from every person they meet.

All of us have much we can learn from others, and so very much we can teach others. All we have to do is be willing to ask, to share and to listen.

The Joy of Reading

Recently, one of the guests on a local morning talk show was a reading specialist. The host was commenting about how difficult it was to get her child to read during the summer months. The reading specialist nodded, and asked if the school had provided the students with a summer reading list of recommended books. The host explained that they had the list, but her daughter wasn't very excited about reading the books.

"Reading a book each week is very important," explained the specialist. "Help your child choose a book each week, and then tell your child that they will need to read the book, AND write a report on the book. You will want to be sure that they are actually reading the book you helped them choose. Children often want to read other books that they think are more interesting, but it is important that they understand that we don't just read books for fun."

To me, that is the basic problem in education today. Reading and learning have become our children's jobs, not something that could and should be a joy for a lifetime. It is a task to be completed, so that another task can be started. Education has become a "daily grind." For so many bright young scholars, there is little, if any, joy in learning.

This summer, take your children to the library, and let them choose fun and interesting books. Pick up a few yourself. Pack a picnic lunch, and spend some time reading together. Read aloud to your children, even if they are old enough to read for themselves. Read exciting books, funny books, amazing books and let your imagination soar!